What I Did Before 6:30AM

I’ve been having a lot of sleeping problems but I don’t wake up a lot during the night without going back to sleep sooner or later. I just have a lot of vivid dreams which means I don’t get the deep sleep I need for my brain to recover from the day. My psychiatrist also thinks I may have Restless Legs Syndrome, however I don’t think this negatively impacts my sleep as moving my legs rhythmically helps me get to sleep. But then again I know shit all about this weird syndrome.

Anyway, last night I woke up around 3am and realised I wasn’t getting back to sleep. The next 3 and a half hours were somehow extremely productive.The first thing I did was do hypnosis to try to get back to sleep, which generally works. After 2-3 sessions I got bored and started reading a book about Anxiety Busters. I got through 2 chapters of that, learning how to control panic and such.

I’d had a dream about snakes and began thinking about them. A thought came across me: ‘how do snakes poop?’, and I just had to find out so I ventured into Google and investigated. Turns out they have a single hole where they poop, pee, mate, and lay eggs from called the Cloaca, which is at the base of their tail but who knows where that is. As far as I’m concerned, snakes are just tails with mouths. I also discovered that they can literally go a whole freaking year without pooping. What even are snakes?

Next I was browsing Reddit and came across a lovely chicken indoors and the OP described that they made their chickens nappies so they could live indoors. My chook has recently been bullying my other one and we separate them until they buck their ideas up. This means one of them sleeps outside which during Summer is fine, but on cold nights we’ll somehow need both chooks in the shed. I had the brilliant idea of looking into these chicken diapers further and found that they’re easy to make, so figured that one of them can stay in my room overnight! Mums not too keen unfortunately…

At this point it was 6am and the sun was just rising. I had a sudden urge to go for a run. So I went for a run. I hated it. Exercise is disgusting. I actually really love running but the area I live in is so damn hilly, making it harder than it already is. I ran about a kilometre and I’m okay with that. The best part was that I passed no humans or cars. I should go for 6am runs more often.

So that’s what I did from 3am to 6:30am. I then came home and slept. Job well done. Life=0, Larne=1.

Make A Wish

I know telling people your greatest wishes is supposedly bad luck, but I believe it’s a bunch of baloney because I’ve been wishing for a horse on shooting stars, birthday cakes, dandelions, and 4 leaf clovers since I was 4 and I’m still horseless. So I’m taking a new approach, I’m going to tell everyone. I’m a rebel I know…

So, as mentioned, I’ve been wishing for a horse since I was 4. I’ve come close a several times, I was able to get riding lessons every week for years on end thanks to mum and dad making an effort to satisfy my horsey needs. I even got offered a free horse from a friend’s friend because he had too many! Just this year I had the perfect opportunity and got seriously close to leasing a beautiful horse that I had a bond with for free! Unfortunately, with horses, they have a lot of ongoing costs which I just can’t afford so I had to let that one go. I know for sure my wish will come true one day but not any time soon.

My second wish is to be with my boyfriend for the rest of my life. We’ve been together for 4 years and I’m head over heels in love with him. I mean, I don’t want to put pressure on him to make this dream to come true but y’know, it would be nice. Hopefully he can deal with my ‘quirks’ and my lameness. He struggles with the fact that I still unironically dab on a regular basis. We may need to find a compromise here.

My final wish was to be emetophobia free but SOMEONE had to go ahead and cure themselves so I came up with a new one. My new wish is to be mental illness free for the rest of my life. I think that it’s possible but if I had to put money on it, I’d say that it probably won’t come true. But while I’m free of depression, anxiety, and emetophobia I’m going to damn well enjoy life and make the most of it!

So that’s just a little summary of the wishes I’ve had over the years. Thanks for reading!

Larne

Father’s Day

Today is Father’s Day so I thought I’d share some memories from my childhood involving ol’ mate dad. I should start by saying that although most of them are negative in some way it does not mean my dad abused or traumatised me, it’s just simply how my brain works. He is the traditional dad. He tells dad jokes, he tries to embarrass my sister and I, and he has difficulty saying the word ‘boyfriend’ without cringing.

The main memory I have is when he cooked us dinner. Oh Lord, you just knew it would ruin your whole day when it was dad cooking. His speciality was noodles and vegetables. It was literally 2 minute noodles with a ton of broccoli and carrot involved and it was the worst. My sister and I both have terrible memories of the dreaded noodles and vegetables. It honestly took me some years before I could eat 2 minute noodles again. I still struggle on the vegetable front though. It was the Christmas of 2007ish I believe where our special Christmas dinner (an exciting, happy, magical time for children) was vegetables. He literally just cooked a bunch of veggies and that was dinner. Thankfully, that was just one time. His cooking skills have improved and now I eat his noodles and vegetables 2.0 which is a wonderful dish called Stir Fry.

Still on the subject of food, I’ve always been a picky eater. When I was 3 there was this cafe we always went to which was also a CD shop back in Wellington. It was always a gamble going there though because I would ONLY eat a croissant, and if they had no croissants, all hell would break loose. I would have a tantrum, dad would drag me outside, kneel down with a pointed finger in front of me and did the whole “stop this nonsense, you’re gonna go back in there and you’re going to stop having a meltdown.”. I thought it was a reasonable situation where a tantrum was needed. Did they want me to starve or something? I WANTED MY CROISSANT.

We travelled a lot as kids and went on many road trips. Wherever we went, it was generally going to be hot. Dad is the kind of traveller that has to see EVERYTHING which I may have said in my New York post. He’s also a frugal traveller and therefore walks everywhere. If you’re in the Australian outback he has to do a bunch of bush walking and constantly stops to take pictures and film himself and whatnot. Even looking back on photos of the trips is exhausting. He went through a phase where he’d take a picture of something while turning the phone so it would be all swirly and they all looked exactly the same and about 80% of the photos are like that.

I hated when he took me horse riding because I was a nervous, gentle rider and every time he’d say a million times ‘It’s not that hard, just show the horse who’s boss.”. Yeah, well dad I’d like to see you try, oh wait, you can’t your face would puff up like a balloon and you’d explode but just show your body who’s boss and she’ll be right. (He’s allergic and passed it down to me lol)

I mustn’t forget the good times though. I loved it when he took me to the oval and we’d kick a footy around. I used to help him with the gardening too, that was fun until my joints got to old for that crap. I know I’m only 18 but when you grunt every time you stand up and sit down, you’re too old. He used to take me to the movies a lot, or the beach, and he’d always buy me treats. He’s a big, ol’, softy.

So those are just some of the many memories I’ve had with my pa. Just a side note, he’s totally famous, he was an extra in Lord Of The Rings. Champ.

Happy Father’s Day to all the dads out there!

Larne

 

That Horse Girl

You remember back at school, how wherever you went, there was that one horse girl? She’d be at every school, galloping around during recess and lunch. I was that girl. I had a friend who I made my sidekick horse girl. Double trouble. It all started when I was 4 and I think everyone thought it was a phase and that I’d grow out of it. 14 years and thousands of dollars later, here I am, still that horse girl.

The two most common questions I get are “Do you have your own horse?” and “But don’t you love horses?”. The first answer is no. I don’t own a horse. Why? Well I have no money and no property, and I’m allergic. That leads to the next answer. Yes I love horses. This doesn’t make me invincible to allergies. Now shut up before I smack you with a glove full of your own stupidity. If you’re thinking that question might relate to the no money and no property situation, I can assure you it doesn’t because I generally say allergies first to get it out of the way. When I tell them I have riding lessons the obvious question is “how?”. This is a fair question because my allergy could be bad enough that it kills me. Fortunately it doesn’t. I take some antihistamines and a bundle of tissues and I’m all set.

I’ve had riding lessons for about 12 years, although lately I either get them free from volunteering (woo) or I just don’t go riding. Emetophobia has a big impact on my ability to ride but I won’t go into that. I had my first fall when I was around 7 and it wasn’t even a bad one. I simply lost balance and slid off the side of my trusty steed, Cindy. I stuck to walking and trotting from then on. That riding school got closed down but one of the instructors bought a couple of horses and started doing lessons elsewhere. She was an amazing instructor but I wasted a lot of our time because one of the horses she bought was Cindy and she was the only one I was allowed to ride. So for a few years I stuck to walking and trotting.

One day we were on a trail ride and started trotting up a hill and Cindy just started cantering. She was lazy and it was not out of control at all so I went with it, and have been able to comfortably canter ever since. Soon after though, my instructor fell pregnant and had to cancel lessons for a while so went to another place that is really popular but oh my Lord it is awful. There was this guy learning to canter and they put him on a horse that regularly bucks when he canters. So surprise surprise, this guy falls off and his confidence is clearly hanging by a thread but gets back on. I didn’t see what happened after but I was just thinking ?????? That is so unsafe. Anyways, my instructors baby unfortunately passed away so she went back teaching. Little while later and she’s pregnant again. With twins! So this meant she was going to permanently stop lessons and it was time to move on.

I hit the jackpot finally. My idol is Olympic Silver Medallist Megan Jones and she and her mum opened their place up as a riding school. I’ve been there ever since and absolutely love it. It’s just what I was looking for and although I can’t ride much, I love to volunteer as much as I can. It’s a happy place for me, and I’ve even fallen off a few times and jumped straight back in the saddle.

So that’s a brief overview of my horsey life up until this point. Oh! Forgot to mention I got a private lesson with another Olympian, Wendy Schaeffer, who gave me a lesson when she didn’t have an instructor available. Shout out to famous people that are genuinely so nice to their fans! They’ve made my life. Thank you Megan and Wendy!

Me with Wendy’s horse Sniff

I’m hoping to get back in the saddle soon, but until then I’ll just keep blogging.

Thanks for reading

Larne

Thoughts On New York City

Last year I had the opportunity to go to Canada to see my sister, who was on exchange in Edmonton, Alberta. We (the fam and I) went via New York City because we’d always wanted to see it and it was more or less in the same area. Before the trip I was obviously very nervous because being an Emetophobe, travel is very difficult with travel sickness and being away from safety and all that. Once I got there I felt so safe and comfortable which was a shock because it’s a big scary city with lots of people. I now realise it was actually my last experience for a long time where my fear was in control. On our first day away from NYC I threw up- but that’s another story.

Before the Lion King

I have decided that apart from Wellington, New Zealand, NYC is my favourite place in the world. I felt incredibly free and content there. We arrived in the evening and stayed at an Airbnb in an Irish pub by the Hudson River. We were there for only 4-5 days and had to cram a lot of touristy things in.  We put our things in our room and went exploring straight away. We wondered around Times Square, saw the Rockefeller Center (and the Christmas tree that was actually quite underwhelming), went inside the Empire State Building, met a lovely lady and then finally went back at around midnight. It was hectic. It truly is the City that never sleeps.

One World Trade Center

Unfortunately my feet hurt all of the time because of the amount of walking we did and it made me pretty miserable because the parents just have to see EVERYTHING. A couple of highlights in NYC revolved around food. There was this Amish market not far from our place and it had this sandwiches that were just to die for. They were literally just spinach, sundried tomato, and a massive chunk of Mozzarella but oh my Lord they were fantastic. I miss them. At Grand Central Station there was a Bakery that had some chocolate chip cookies. They weren’t like the others though. They were chewy and big and NOM. Finally, on our last day there we went to a diner. We don’t have diners in Australia and so we took advantage of them over there. it was just like in the movies, it was great. Another highlight was the people. You would think that the folks over there would be sick of tourists getting in their way and asking questions but everyone was so damn friendly. Shout out to the Americans, I love you! Even the servers at supermarkets were so much nicer than the Aussies. It was easy to have a conversation with anyone and multiple people asked if we needed directions.

Best sandwich in NYC

In terms of things that we actually did, my highlights were seeing the 9/11 museum and seeing the Lion King on Broadway. For those who didn’t see, I wrote a post about my experience in the Lion King playing Shenzi. I saw it on Broadway like 2 months after performing and it was just such an incredible thing. I was sitting there with tears in my eyes reciting the lyrics to ‘Circle of Life’. With the 9/11 memorial we were initially just going to see the memorial and around it and whatnot but last minute decided to see the museum. I was born in 1999 and was therefore too young to remember 9/11, so it was really enlightening to be there and know what actually happened. I’ve been obsessed with it every since and just feel so terrible for everyone involved. It was definitely the first museum I’d been to where tissues were handed out in every room. The mood was something I can’t describe.

9/11 memorial

I could talk about this a lot more but I realise I’m rambling a bit. Just thought I’d let NYC know that I’m going to live there one day so Be Prepared (Lion King reference ha). 10/10 would recommend and you are missing out if you don’t go!

See you soon New York!

Famous Dylan!

For those who don’t know, this is Dylan, my first Greyhound. He’s 10 years old now and we’ve had him for 5 years. Since having him, I’ve seen him sleep, eat, and tremble. He’s a very nervous and useless dog. I still love him though because he’s too lazy to move and therefore lets me give him massive cuddles. He never complains. Sometimes he’ll get stuck somewhere and instead of crying for help, he’ll wait patiently (sometimes hours) for someone to come to his assistance. So yeah. He’s not like other dogs.

He wasn’t always like this though. He used to race and, surprisingly, he was half decent. His race name was Tafari Bale. There are lots of ‘Bale’ dogs that are all quite successful and little Dylan was one of them! This is why he was a little older when we adopted him- he was too damn good. He even won Greyhound of the Month in January 2010. He would’ve been 3 years old and here’s a video of him claiming that title. Unfortunately, there’s another video of him pulling up early in a trial run. This shows more of his current personality. Still, I’m a proud mother.

For those wondering how my other dog, Maxie, did as a racer…Just, don’t even go there. He’s an embarrassment to planet Earth. His race name was General Maxie and he sucked. Fortunately, I’ve been told that his previous owners were really nice to him and weren’t overly obsessed with the racing industry, and therefore treated him as a normal dog. I’m confused though as to why he doesn’t act like a normal dog…

Maxie was born to sleep. Dylan was a born runner though, and still loves it. Whenever we take him to the beach or a big field, he pulls on the lead and gets excited for a big run. Both of them do a mad sprint on their way back from peeing in the garden. At the end of the day, I have two very happy retired racers.

 

The Hyena Queen

In my final year of high school I decided to leave with #noregrets and I joined the Musical Theatre Club to perform The Lion King at the end of the year. My first step was auditioning for a role. I went for the role of the main hyena, Shenzi, due to the lack of singing on my own. I suck at auditioning because I just lose my cool. When I audition it’s like I’ve never been on stage. Once I’ve secured the part though, I nail that part. This time I actually got the part and I was a bit shook. I was going to have to be pretty committed and I knew it would be tough with exams and such. It was one of the best experiences of my life.

The other (less boss) hyena is Banzai and he was played by my good mate Jock. Then there was our sidekick Ed, played by my bff Alana. All you need to know about Alana is that she is Ed in real life. They have the same personality. Completely wacko and I love her for it. Because of that the rehearsals were a bucket load of fun and we obviously worked well together. Ol’ mate Jock was a couple years below us but we talked a lot from past Musical Theatre productions and we knew he had a similar personality to us, so we couldn’t be more thrilled that he was Banzai.

Wouldn’t you know it though, I missed two of the performances because my body hates me and decided to Flu things up a bit. I got it on the day of the matinee and first performance but just did it anyway. I was left completely drained and couldn’t perform the other two performances. I was absolutely gutted. Someone filled in for me and apparently did an amazing job. She learnt the routine in just one day. What a champ. Luckily, one of the performances was filmed and it was me performing which I was relieved about.

Musical Theatre was a massive part of school for me and was an amazing way of finishing things there. I was having issues with bullies and people not particularly liking me, but the club made me feel special and loved. The people there were absolute gems and weren’t the normal, drama type people that always have to be the main event. Everyone was just so caring and it was a joy and an honour to be a part of it. Thank you Musical Theatre Club!

Secrets To A Successful Relationship

I’ve been in a relationship with some bloke since I was 14. His name is Ryan and he’s pretty cool. He’s also 18 and we went to high school together. We didn’t actually meet there though. We met at a school sporting event at the beach. I was friends with his friends, so naturally, we had to hang out together.

He was very shy and quiet, barely said a word. We were already friends on Facebook and when the day was over, he messaged me with a solid pick up line. “Volleyball was quality.” Solid conversation starter. We spoke on Facebook a lot and started hanging out at school. We didn’t talk though because he was scared of me due to the fact that I was a girl. After a week, he told me (on Facebook, bless him) that he liked me and I said I liked him too. He didn’t want to make it official though until he asked me out in person. When Monday came about he said he’d do it at lunch. It was at the end of lunch and I hung back and we had a series of ‘hi’s’ before he asked me out. I said yes and that was that. Turns out he was shitting himself even though I told him I’d say yes.

On the weekend we went on our first date. We went to a horse show and we were sitting at a bench for a couple hours talking and we saw some eventful things. We saw a seagull steal a live duckling, we saw some guy fall into the pond on his bike, and I think there was something else but I don’t remember what. We started in the middle of the bench and I kept edging closer because he was obviously very uncomfortable and nervous. I wanted to show him that I didn’t bite but he kept gradually moving away and we ended up right on the edge of the bench, where he exclaimed “boy, we’ve moved over a lot…” I felt bad because I think I made him feel worse.

Our first kiss was at school and for anyone that saw, it was probably a blur because it was so quick. Again, Ryan told me on Facebook that he wanted to but was frightened. It was the end of the day and we said our goodbyes and he pecked me on the lips and scurried away. To be completely honest I didn’t think we’d last too long because of how insecure he was, but over time, he came out of his shell and he talks to me in person now *gasp*.

They always say the couples that never fight are secretly unhappy, or hiding something or nonsense like that but Ryan and I never fight. Obviously, we have differing opinions and if one upsets the other we hug it out, apologise, and move on. I’m extremely happy with our relationship and (I think) he is too.

I’ll be writing a lot more about my Ryano, this is just the introduction!

Larne

 

My Girls

Today’s post is about my first pets. My sister and I each got a week old chick when I was 11. I fell in love with them straight away. I’d already decided a week before we got them that mine was going to be called Bubbles. Bubbles was the darker one. My sister couldn’t decide on a name and then considered Bieber after old mate Justin Bieber. She changed it to Nora thank God. They were tiny little balls of fluff, and we kept them in a cardboard box with their food and water and a light to keep them warm.

As they grew up they would go on adventures around the Sunroom, jumping on furniture, pooping on the floor. While they grew, my dad and I built a coop for them, and put it with an old chicken shed that came with the house. Every so often I’d take them for walks outside so they could get used to their new outdoor home. They reached their ugly, awkward teenage phase and we put them in the coop. Every day we’d let them wander the garden as they pleased and fed them treats and lots of cuddles. The bond became so strong that I thought of them as feathered dogs.

One day Bubbles wasn’t looking so flash. She was quiet and was nestled into a bush. I was stroking her and she stood up and out popped an egg. It was very traumatic for both of us I think. She’d laid her first egg and I was a very proud mother. In the summer we’d sit outside and the girls would come and sit on our laps and have a nap. They loved being in the sun’s rays and would lay on their side with their wing open. When I was 13 we got Dylan, our first greyhound, and I came home after school one day and had found that he’d bitten poor little Bubbles on her bum! I was sure she would die but we took her to the vet and gave her medications and she pulled through. Unfortunately, a few months later, she very suddenly fell ill. I was looking after some other chickens for friends at the time so I went to do that to take my mind off things. As I left I took one last look at Bubbles while dad and my sister looked after her. By the time I got back though, she had died.

We buried her in the garden and even Nora attended the funeral. There was a beautiful moment where we each put a flower in the grave and Nora walked around and some dirt with a flower on it fell in. She knew what was going on and was lost without her sister. I was lost without my best friend. Nora and I helped each other, but Nora was never the same. 1 year and 1 week later, Nora also died. Again, I wasn’t even there for it. I was in the UK and was returning home in 3 days. It wasn’t unexpected though, and it was nice to know she was back with Bubbles, but for that extra year we had that same connection that I had with Bubbles.

People often don’t think that chickens are very smart and have no personalities, but those chooks were better friends than both of my dogs put together (sorry Dylan and Maxie but you’re a disgrace to dogkind!). I miss them a lot but have two more lovely chickens to keep me company now. Don’t take your chooks for granted!

Larne

Bubbles the day we got her

Bubbles and I chilling after school

Long Doggos

This is my first ‘proper’ post to the blog, so I wanted it to be about something more or less positive. Dogs make people happy so I think I’ll talk about my dogs. I have two male Greyhounds aged 10 and 7. Their names are Dylan and Maxie and I love them dearly.

All throughout my childhood I wanted pets but could never have them. When I was 11 my sister and I got a chicken each and we raised them from when they were just a week old. They weren’t dogs but the bond we had with them was so strong. I definitely took it for granted and still asked for more. So mum and dad caved and got us Dylan. My family is allergy ridden so mum and dad told me we were looking after him for two weeks for a friend.

I got bamboozled though. Mum and dad tricked me good. Those two weeks were a trial period to see whether we were allergic and no one was, so they came clean and Dylan was ours. Now, for anyone that knows about Greyhounds they would know they are lazy and, to be honest, pretty boring dogs. Dylan was 5 years old but had the attitude of grandma. He slept all day, all night. After a few years we decided he needed a playmate to toughen him up so we got Maxie, and believe it or not, we had to fight for him. Looking back on it, I’m not entirely sure why, he’s definitely not the most attractive dog. He is fat, his tail is short, he has a scar on his shoulder (he impaled himself on a tap-Stupid dog), his eyes pop out of his head, and he has a hideous overbite. On the plus side though, he knows how to be a dog. Kinda.

Since getting him though, it’s safe to say that Dylan has come out of his shell, and not just because he started humping Maxie when we first got him. They’re both learning from each other and I love them endlessly…Except for Maxie. I think I’ll only love him until he next does something stupid. He’s not the sharpest soul, bless him.

So yeah, those are my dogs. I’ll be posting a lot about them, they have many quirks and have many battle stories, such as the tap incident that I wasn’t even there for.

Thanks for reading!

Larne